Teletubbies vs Tweenies
by Gertyflea
Summary: A battle between annoying TV characters for the possession of Tubby Land! Teletubbies vs. Tweenies in an all out battle of needless violence. Witness the destruction! Completely satirical. of course... Oneshot


This is my first story and at the end you'll find out why. I'm not to sure if the dog is called Dougal but it is the Tweenies so who would give a damn about it.

Teletubbies vs. Tweenies

The faint sound of unfriendly footsteps steeped into tubby land. It was… the Tweenies! The most evil of all lamely dressed children's actors. It was midday. The annoying baby face sun smiled and gurgled. Without even looking up, Milo lifted his combat shotgun and gave the annoying baby a round to its ugly looking face, sending blood spurting in every direction in this scene of unnecessary violence. Suddenly from behind a fake bush that looked like it was made out of cotton wool, Po burst out on her heavily modified scooter. Going in for a drive by, she pulled out an Uzi and ripped up Dougal with a salvo of sharp edged bullets. The dog was splattered against the wall like a hedgehog in the middle of a freeway. Going in for a second attempt, Po drove past again, unleashing another salvo of bullets. This time they were ready. Fizz pulled out a Tactical RPG and sent a heat seeking missile in Po's direction. Po was destroyed completely. As millions of chunks of Po's fat obese body cascaded down upon them they just stood there. They were far too used to it. After destroying the entire cast of Balamory they were only too happy to kill someone less annoying.

From out of the door of the round house that was obviously stolen from J.R.R.Tolkein.stepped the infamous band of cheap children entertainers, Tinky Winky, Dipsy and La La. Tinky Winky was toting an SMG disguised as a cheap latex handbag whereas Dipsy was holding two pistols. La La was holding the most evil of all weapons devised. The Tubby Custard gun. It sent out a thick stream of pink custard with the texture of puke, causing the victim to melt into nothing. She let rip sending a beam of the noxious liquid at Jake. Jake didn't even have time to escape before he was struck by the custard and dissolved into a messy puddle on the ground. Dipsy took a couple of rounds to the arm from Bella's AK-47 before his head was sliced off by Milo's combat knife sending blood in everyone's face. The Tellytubbies retreated as swiftly as they had came, back into the house which was a cheap copy of Bilbo's house. They were under siege. Milo patrolled outside while Bella started drawing up plans. Fizz was having a nap when suddenly, Tinky Winky crept inside the makeshift tent and stabbed her with a piece of hardened tubby toast. Her last cries were 'Killed by a plastic piece of crap!'. Stealthily, the purple one sneaked back inside the stolen house. The next day, enraged by the loss of Fizz, They planted a C4 at the door of the cheap copied house from the Hobbit and blew the door to smithereens. La La was caught in the blast as she was attempting to eavesdrop in the enemies plans. Suddenly, Tinky Winky stepped out from around the corner and let loose with a hardened disk of stale toast. 'ARGGGH' Milo screeched as a piece of plastic toast tore through him, ripping his heart out and sending it splatting against the wall, still beating. Bella was too clever. After all, she was the one who always bossed the other Tweenies around. She evaded each shot and drew a Longsword. Doing the same, Tinky Winky drew a Scimitar and the two were locked in combat. They were trapped in in an epic battle of Lame proportions and it was surprising to see that they did not both die as they are so camp. Tinky Winky leapt up and went for a downwards slice. Too late was the attack as Bella stabbed the purple ponderer in the stomach causing his sole diet (Tubby Toast and Tubby Custard) spilling onto the floor. Suddenly from behind an irrelevantly placed tree, Noo Noo rolled out. Leaping through the air (God knows how) he leapt on Bella and sucked her brains out, causing her lifeless corpse to drift into eternal torment in Hell. It was over. The siege of Tubby land was won.

And happened to them you ask?

Well, all the dead people suffered in hell for their actions (especially Po as the Devil had seen Tellytubbies before at thought Po was a fat waste of time who deserves to have a hot pole rammed up his ass.). Noo Noo opened up a Martial arts school where he taught students in the art of Hoover fu.

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Hope you like it. Don't flame it or Noo Noo will kick your ass!

- Gertyflea


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